REACTION TO MAX SCHULMAN’S “LOVE IS A FALLACY ”

Max Schulman’s story “Love is a Fallacy” is one of the funniest “love” stories I’ve read so far. Its contents range from dumb to dumber but definitely fun to funnier events where the reader at the end eventually says, “I told you so! or Who’s dumb now?” So how would you describe a stupid or dumb person? Stupid people, as what most of us think, are easy to fool (gullible) and easy to bribe. Looking at these descriptions closely, I realize – wait a minute, a lot of people I know fit these descriptions sometimes (especially now that elections are fast approaching)!

On the other hand, the one taking advantage in the story is known as a man of intellect. He easily thought of a devious way to get Polly, the girl he had long coveted. He wanted this pretty girl to be his girlfriend. Unfortunately, he thought that she has nothing between her ears except looks. His arrogance made him think that he can rub some of his intelligence to the girl he “snatched” from his roommate, make her worthy to become his wife, a proper hostess for his many mansions, and a suitable mother for his well-heeled children. Love has never been in the picture for this intelligent young man. He had “illusions of grandeur” when he thought he can “make” a perfect woman – comparing himself to Pygmalion, the principal character in the Greek mythology ‘Pygmalion and Galatea’.

To begin Polly’s transformation, the intelligent young man introduced to the girl some topics in logic. As expected, the first night was kind of hopeless. He thought Polly had a “logic-proof head”. But then again, he never gave up. I think, he looked at the daunting task of improving Polly’s intelligence as a challenge. At this point in the story, I thought the intelligent young man, was not as intelligent as I thought he was at the beginning of the story. I found myself thinking, “haven’t you got common sense? Stop trying and start quitting!!” His argument that it is easier to make a beautiful dumb girl smart than to make an ugly smart girl beautiful, is quite unintelligent. Why not use his intelligence and look for a pretty as well as smart girl? This way, he did not have to spend a lot of time and energy trying to “transform” her to the perfect woman.

As I read on, I realized it was just as well that he had made up his mind to make Polly his “perfect” girl (instead of listening to my inner ravings) because the events became more interesting and funny. One glimmer of hope I saw was that Polly seemed genuinely interested in the topics. However, as expected, Polly took the teachings in logic quite literally. Based on Polly’s reactions to the examples given by the intelligent young man in trying to explain the topics, I quickly concluded that, ahhh, she’s hopeless and she hadn’t absorbed anything at all.

Then my perceptions about Polly changed when I reached the part of the Poisoning the Well. Hmmm, she’s not as hopeless as it seemed. The more I read on, the more interesting the twists of events. In fact every logic topic that the intelligent young man taught Polly bounced back into his face when he tried to ask her to go steady with him. I thought, ha ha ha, look what you did kid – all the effort you exerted, all the manipulations, still the girl ditched you at the end. Good for you! You got what you deserved! So now, who’s stupid?

The story is really quite funny, seeing the narrator’s efforts wasted. It shows us how different people perceive love differently. I think the most important lesson here is: do not be so arrogant or proud to think that you are the intelligent one and anyone who thinks and acts contrary to what you think and how you act are dumb or stupid. This is because intelligent people may act or think stupid at times and not all “seemingly” stupid people think or act stupid at all times, especially when it comes to affairs of the heart. Another lesson is that: never take advantage of the dumb for you may come out looking dumber in the end. Lesson number three: perhaps having a raccoon coat is not such a bad idea…after all it won Polly’s heart rather than logic! Saying that love is a fallacy is rather, in Polly’s words, a “hasty generalization”. Maybe for Polly, love is equivalent to a raccoon coat. Who are we to decide for her?

A SUMMARY OF MAX SCHULMAN’S “LOVE IS A FALLACY ”

Max Schulman’s “Love is a fallacy” is about a story of, well, a story of stupidity. It’s a story of how a very intelligent young man took advantage of a roommate’s stupidity in order to get the girl (who’s very pretty but quite empty-headed as well) he wanted, but only to get frustrated in the end.

Petey Bellows (the stupid roommate) wanted a raccoon coat so as to be one of the “Big Men” on Campus (meaning, one who’s “in”). The narrator (the intelligent young man), remembered that his dad had a raccoon coat at home. He made a suggestion to his roommate, his father’s raccoon coat in exchange for Petey’s current date, Polly Espy. The intelligent young man wanted Polly as his girlfriend, and eventually his wife.

Polly is almost perfect, beautiful and gracious. She has an erectness of carriage, an ease of bearing, with poise that clearly indicates the best of breeding. Her table manners are exquisite. He had seen her at the Kozy Kampus Korner eating the specialty of the house—a sandwich that contained scraps of pot roast, gravy, chopped nuts, and a dipper of sauerkraut—without even getting her fingers moist. But!! There’s a big but. She is not intelligent, not even close. However, the narrator is determined to get the girl and planned to teach her some logic to smarten her up.

Smart as he was, he eventually got Petey ‘s girl, Polly in exchange for the raccoon coat. He taught the girl some logic – i.e. Dicto Simpliciter, Post Hoc, Contradictory Premises, Ad Misericordiam, Hypothesis Contrary to Fact, and Poisoning the Well. The girl was, at least, interested about this “stuff”. At the end of the sessions, he told the girl that he loved her and asked her to go steady with him. The girl said no since she had already promised to go steady with Petey Bellows. The intelligent young man went in a fit of rage and began blabbing criticizing Petey. Polly surprisingly applied his teachings about logic to counteract his criticisms. This really got him at the peak of his rage, and demanded an explanation of why she wanted to go steady with “dumb” Petey. Not surprisingly, Polly answered, “Of course, he’s got a raccoon coat!”

MIRACLE

According to the bible, Jesus made many miracles. He made the dead rise, the blind see, the cripple walk, etc.
But do you know that there are miracles happening around us? At present, many do not believe in miracles or if they do, such miracles take the form of a miracle drug, miracle surgery, miracle food––all made possible by science and technology. Well, these are probably miracles too. According to Webster’s English Dictionary (2005) a miracle is not only an extraordinary event attributed to the supernatural, it is also any event that is unusual or astounding; or a remarkable example of something.
I believe in miracles but do not strictly adhere to Webster’s definition. For me, miracles can be simple breaks in a world of pressure, panic and chaos – like finding time to relax, listen to music, read my favorite novels, or simply be able to appreciate God’s gift of nature. Miracles can be in the form of political reconciliation – such as the end of the cold war (USA vs. USSR), or simply the fact that no nuclear or biological missile has ever been released in the height of war in the Middle East. Let’s get closer to home. With all the threats of mass rallies, terrorist bombings, heavy traffic, uncooperative weather, etc., the peaceful and relatively successful staging of the ASEAN Summit here in Cebu was short of a miracle. Don’t you think so? Being able to do things your way is also miracle.
Miracles may also come as simple acts and as simple events. With a score of 49/100 in your Biology exam, a consideration of a wrongly spelled answer by your teacher is a miracle that would change an otherwise failing score to a passing one. With only P 5.00 left in your pocket, finding a 1-peso coin is a miracle since you are saved from walking home from school.
But the best miracles are those that are taken for granted. Do you think we can live another day without God’s gift of fresh air or fresh water or fertile soil? Definitely, being able to wake up the next morning is a miracle. What I feel about miracles, is reflected in this poem:

MIRACLE
(Watt Whitman)

Why, who makes much of a miracle?
As to me I know of nothing else but miracles
Whether I walk the streets of Manhattan,
Or dart my sight over the roofs of houses toward the sky.
Or wade with naked feet along the beach just in the edge of the water.
Or stand under trees in the woods,
Or talk by day with any one I love,
Or sit at table at dinner with the rest.
Or look at strangers opposite me riding in the car,
Or watch honey-bees around the hive of a summer forenoon,
Or animals feeding in the fields,
Or birds, or the wonderfulness of insects in the air,
Or the wonderfulness of the sundown,
Or of stars shinin so quiet and bright,
Or the exquisite delicate, thin curve of the new moon in spring;
These with the rest, one and all, are to me miracles.
The whole referring, yet each distinct and in its place.
To me every hour of the light and dark is a miracle;
Every cubic inch of space is a miracle;
Every square yard of the surface of the earth is spread with the same,
Every foot of the interior swarms with the same.
To one the sea is a continual miracle.
The fishes that swim – the rocks –
the motion of the waves –
the ships with men in them,
What stranger miracles are there?

So you see, in this beautiful world, a miracle can be witnessed everywhere and is not the exception. All of God’s creations are the miracles we need in life. We do not need miracle drugs to keep us alive, or miracle surgeries to keep us young and beautiful. All we need to do is to take care of God’s gifts to us so that these will continually give us the miracle we call Life.

TRIBUTE

These are poems I collected because of their special meanings. I dedicate these to the people who have affected my life in a way or another.

A TRIBUTE …for mothers far and wide…

HER WORDS
(Anna Hempstead Branch)

My mother has the prettiest tricks
Of words and words and words.
Her talk comes out as smooth and sleek
As breasts of singing birds.

She shapes her speech all silver fine
Because she loves it so;
And her own eyes begin to shine
To hear her story grow.

And if she goes to make a call
Or out to take a walk,
We leave our work when she returns
And run to her talk.

We had not dreamed these things were so
Of sorrow and of mirth.
Her speech is a thousand eyes
Through which we see the earth.

God wove a web of loveliness,
Of clouds and stars and birds,
But made not anything at all
So beautiful as words.

They shine around our simple earth
With golden shadowings,
And every common thing they touch
Is exquisite with wings.

There’s nothing poor and nothing small
But it is made for them.
They are the hands of living faith
That touch the garment’s hem.

They are as fair as bloom or air,
They shine like any star,
And I am rich who learned from her
How beautiful they are.



…for all the little children, listen!

BETWEEN TWO ANGELS
(Unknown)

There stood in a garden, a child sweet and fair,
Watching some fruit that hang ripening there.
Two anxious angels were watching above:
One gazing in hatred, the other in love;
One clothed in black, the other in white.

The child never dreamed that the angels were there.
He just longed for the fruit so rich and so rare.
How I should like the big apple so red,
But I cannot forget what my dear mother said
That doing the things I’m forbidden to do
Would make me unhappy and grieve her heart, too.

“ Take it,” the dark angel whispered, “ and eat it.
it is not very often you get such a treat.
There is no one to see you and no one to tell.”
So up went a hand, it could reach the fruit well.

But the child paused a moment and said as he smiled,
“I’ll not be a thief, I’ll be a good child.
The rustling sound stirred the soft summer air.
One angel was gone but the other was still there.

The angel of darkness had taken its flight.
The child was alone with the angel of light.
In this little story we plainly see,
An everyday lesson for you and me:
We can conquer temptations––the angel of night,
If we listen to conscience––the angel of light!


…for our energetic little brothers, big men in small packages…

A BOY’S DREAM
(R.M. Cayari)

When I grow up I’d like to be
A brave, strong rover out at sea,
A-sailing on the ocean tide
To see the big world far and wide.

But then I also wish to fly
A whizzing jet plane in the sky;
I’d make a loop and zoom and dash,
And come to land without a crash.

Oh! How many things I’d want to do!
Like building houses big and new;
How very happy I would feel,
If I could build a bridge of steel.

I’ll try to do these if I can
When I’ve become a full-grown man.


…and lastly, for our fathers, who toiled from dawn ‘til dusk or dusk ‘til dawn.

MY CREED
(Howard Arnold Walter)

I would be true,
for there are those who trust me;
I would be pure,
for there are those who care;
I would be strong,
for there is much to suffer;
I would be brave
for there is much to dare.

I would be friend
of all –– the foe, the friendless;
I would be giving
and forget the gift,
I would be humble
For I know my weaknesses;
I would look up ––
and laugh, and love, and lift.

THE LIBRARY OF MY LIFE

“Ma, what’s the meaning of Muntingia? What’s a fjord? How do you pronounce fjord?” I always seek my mother when I do not know the meaning of some of the words in a book I’m reading. She is my “walking” library – always around when I need her. Very convenient indeed, for instance, I don’t have to browse through the thick pages of a dictionary in trying to find the meaning of words. When making assignments that need to be computerized, she is always there on my side to help. I think she has a very high I.Q. – maybe near the genius level (ha ha, I’m sure that she will deny this!). Sometimes though, she thinks I’m just being lazy and tells me to look them up myself in the dictionary or the internet. She is a faculty member of U.P. Cebu College and I’m very proud of her. My father is another great inspiration in my life. Like my mother, he is always there to help me (i.e., teach me how to solve some of my Chemistry problems or how to organize my time). He’s the one I run to if I need to “build or create” something for a project (i.e., Home Technology or Physics project). He is my “working” library.
Friends – aahh . . . what great assets in the library of my life! Why? Well, for one, you don’t always have to pay for internet time or browse through the dusty pages of a book in a library if you are faced with a difficult assignment. You have intelligent friends whom you can run to (of course, there are times though that they may not know the answer too – then that’s the time you go to the library or the internet). When I was in Grade 6, I sometimes go to Jay Marc (he graduated class valedictorian) to help me solve some difficult Math exercises. My best friend, Leah Rose is my encyclopedia in the Visual Arts because she is really good at this. She knows who are the great painters in the country and abroad (she idolizes some of them). If you have problems in school, never hesitate to run to your friends for help. In return, never turn away a classmate or a friend who needs your help.
Teachers and books are my other important sources of knowledge. I consider them as treasures of the library of my life. They always come in handy whenever I am faced with difficult topics that need some extra explaining or research. Books for sure are great treasures because they are always with me in school and even at home. They help me a lot with my studies. Parents, friends, teachers, books have indeed helped shape my mind and me as a person. Having difficulty with your assignments, projects, or even your personal life? Don’t hesitate to tap first the “library” of your life. They’re always there, and never dusty! Of course, they may not be able to answer your every query, but at least they make your internet or library time shorter.

TRAGIC LOVE

You have probably heard of the saying “love conquers all”. You may see this famous saying in a different light after reading this poem by a famous poet who was able to weave beautiful masterpieces especially when drunk.

ANNABEL LEE
(Edgar Allan Poe)

It was many and many a year ago,
In a kingdom by the sea,
That a maiden there lived, whom you may know
By the name of Annabel Lee;
And this maiden she lived with no other thought
Than to love, and be loved by me.

I was a child and she was a child,
In this kingdom by the sea;
But we loved with a love that was more than love,
I and my Annabel Lee,––
With a love that the winged seraphs of heaven
Coveted her and me.

And this was the reason that long ago,
In this kingdom by the sea,
A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling
My beautiful Annabel Lee;
So that her high-born kinsmen came,
And bore her away from me,
To shut her up in a sepulcher,
In this kingdom by the sea.

The angels, not half so happy in heaven,
Went envying her and me.
Yes! That was the reason (as all men know)
In this kingdom by the sea,
That the wind came out of the cloud by night,
Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee.


But our love it was stronger by far than the love
Of those who were older than we,
Of many far wiser than we;
And neither the angels in heaven above,
Nor the demons down under the sea,
Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee.

For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee,
And the stars never rise but I feel the bright eyes
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee.
And so, all the night-tide
I lie down by the side
Of my darling, my darling, my life and my bride,
In her sepulcher there by the sea,
In her tomb by the sounding sea.
What a tragic love story indeed. In this poem, although the lovers can no longer be physically together, their love for each other had remained strong. Why do some love stories end this way? Here are some of the possible causes. A frequent cause is jealousy. In fact, the poem mentioned of jealousy in the following lines:

The angels, not half so happy in heaven,
Went envying her and me.
Yes! That was the reason (as all men know)
In this kingdom by the sea,
That the wind came out of the cloud by night,
Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee.

But in my understanding, the jealousy of angels as the cause of the lovers’ separation is not true. The other common reason why love stories end tragically is because the family of one or the other disapproves of the relationship. This is the most likely reason why the lovers in this poem were separated, based on these lines,

So that her high-born kinsmen came,
And bore her away from me,

Whatever the reason for a lovers’ break-up, love could indeed conquer all so that some love stories even end up happily ever after. In this poem though, the love story ended in the death of the girl. However, even in death his love for Annabel Lee never waned:

But our love it was stronger by far than the love…
…And neither the angels in heaven above,
Nor the demons down under the sea,
Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee.

…And so, all the night-tide
I lie down by the side
Of my darling, my darling, my life and my bride,
In her sepulcher there by the sea,
In her tomb by the sounding sea.

BEAUTY:THE BEST REVENGE

I read this from a local daily:

Hi guys:

Please work your magic on me. I need a major overhaul, new look from head to toe, so that my ex will be sorry he left me for someone really hideous-looking.
Thanks, happy new year!

Jen

This Jen wants to have a new look so that her ex-boyfriend would regret his leaving her. Well, is beauty really the best revenge? Many would think yes. Some may say no. What do you think? Now imagine this – your boyfriend left you. Then one day you see him with his new girlfriend. When you pass by them, very sexy from the dress you are wearing to your hairstyle and make-up, you see him stare at you with a gaping mouth. How would that feel, huh? Jen would surely feel, “Oh, sweet revenge!” The ex-boyfriend though, may feel some regret.
Is beauty now the major necessity for a relationship to last or even to begin? Are boys really “visual” in nature that they would go into a relationship only with a pretty girl? He sees a very pretty girl, he courts her, she says yes. But then, after a month or two, boy splits up with girl and girl weeps. Boy finds another pretty girl. Girl is done with weeping and makes herself more beautiful. Just to show her ex, girl attracts a more handsome boy. Familiar story? Yeah, you witness a lot of stories like this not just in the world of entertainment, but also in the neighborhood.
Maybe, beauty is a boy’s measure for a relationship to begin but it is not an insurance that a relationship will last. If making yourself beautiful could still lead to heartaches, why bother? So, is beauty really the best revenge? Why don’t you just go to the boy who dumped you, shoot him with a shotgun and be done with it? Here are other ways to get back at him: you can strangle him, poison him, or kick him in the nuts! I would definitely go for the latter. But beautify yourself? I don’t know if I will get the desired result. What if my ex, despite all the trouble I went through making myself look beautiful, would look at me and tell his new girlfriend, “I dumped her.” I may end up embarrassed or worse, still weeping.
I understand Jen and the result she desires after a beauty overhaul. She wants her ex to suffer slowly, always seeing her more gorgeous than before until he succumbs. Then goes to her on bended knees asking for forgiveness and for a second chance. Since Jen wants revenge, she must really be very angry by what her ex had done to her. If she’s so angry with her ex as to want revenge, I don’t think she would want reconciliation. So why go through all the trouble – just to show off? If you are really angry, okay fine, you beautify yourself, but I think you would get immediate revenge if you beat your ex to death, or just burn him (just joking)!
Revenge is not a very pretty word. You’re not even sure if it will not backfire on you. Using beauty as the tool for revenge could be the most harmless of all the choices I presented earlier. However, results are not immediate.
Jen is a single mother of a five-year old boy. She’s a businesswoman who trades in birds’ nests. Yes, those swallow’s nests that are considered a delicacy in Chinese cuisine. She does her business in busy Divisoria, Macau and Hongkong. She flew in to Manila to be glammed. She can definitely afford to be beautiful. So if I were Jen, I’d make myself beautiful because I want to and not because I want some good-for-nothing guy suffer. No way! Life is beautiful. I’m beautiful and I don’t want any one (guy or girl) spoil it! I hope Jen can read this BLOG to cool her off.