I am Afraid..... of the Dark

I don’t know exactly when it started. When the lights are turned off, I shiver. When I’m alone in the middle of a dark road, I shake. When I’m suddenly trapped in a dark room, I scream…aaahhh! I just don’t know why. I can’t remember any traumatic experience that could have triggered this fear of the dark.

Many people though have phobia of the dark because of a traumatic experience when they were kids. For some, their fear of the dark was triggered when they experienced being trapped in a dark closet. For others, it was due to a very strong imagination – imagining seeing “ghosts” or “monsters” in their rooms or closets. As for me, I can’t recall having any of these experiences when I was younger. It just happened and I can’t seem to find a cure. How I wish this fear of the dark would go away or be cured because it’s really embarrassing. You see, even if I’m only 13 years old, I probably look older because I’m a bit tall. Imagine a big girl screaming her lungs out because she’s afraid of the dark. My love for reading scary novels (Stephen King’s) never helped. If only the cure can be bought from a drugstore, I’d buy one whatever the cost. If only this phobia is like a gangrened leg that can be amputated, I’ll have this amputated right away!

I feel that this phobia of the dark is like a debilitating . . . disease (?) that spreads like wildfire from my heart to my brain and to the different parts of my body. When this happens, my natural reflex would be to let out a blood-curling scream…AAAAHHHH!!!

Do you know that I sleep with the blanket covering my body from head to foot? When my mother thinks that I’m already asleep, she would try to remove the blanket from my head because she fears that I may not be able to breathe. However, I would always manage to cover my head back. I tried to do a lot of things to fight this fear. I have tried keeping the lights on while trying to sleep. Unfortunately, I just couldn’t sleep with the lights on. I have tried opening my eyes in the middle of the night when all is dark and quiet. And I ended up in a panic, shutting my eyes back and trying hard to get back to sleep. My only conclusion (and excuse?) is that maybe I’m really still a child. Like little kids, I have a very strong imagination in the dark. I imagine seeing scary apparitions from probably, just a bathrobe hanging near the door of my room, or from my guitar hanging by the wall. I imagine hearing scary sounds from the bamboo tree near our house or from the cats fighting outside. This is really sssooo embarrassing!

Every now and then I try to get used to and act brave in the dark. Gosh! It’s sooooo hard! I have never been consistent. This time I feel brave, the next time I chicken out right away and turn on the light. So help me God! What do you think – that I’m a scaredy-cat or sumthin’? Hah, I’ll poke your nose if you think that!

Don’t worry, I’m still trying to overcome my fear of the dark. Maybe in time, I can be successful. What is important is that I recognize this weakness and I’m trying to find a way to overcome it. So in the meantime, when in the dark…SMILE (though you may be crying inside), DANCE (though you may be shaking inside)…oh what the heck…GO TO SLEEP!

TEENAGERS

They’re gonna clean up your looks
With all the lies in the books
To make a citizen out of you

Because they sleep with a gun
And keep an eye on you son
So they can watch all the things you do


Because the drugs never work
They’re gonna give you a smirk
‘Cause they got methods of keeping you clean
They’re gonna rip off your heads
Your aspirations to shreds
Another cog in the murder machine

They said all teenagers scare
The living shit out of me
They could care less
As long as someone’ll bleed
So darken your clothes
Or strike a violent pose
Maybe they’ll leave you alone, but not me

The boys and girls in a clique
The awful names that they stick
You’re never gonna fit in much, kid
But if you’re troubled and hurt
What you got under your shirt
Will make them pay for the things that they did

They said all teenagers scare
The living shit out of me
they could care less
As long as someone’ll bleed
So darken your clothes
Or strike a violent pose
Maybe they’ll leave you alone,
but not me

Oh yeah
They said all teenagers scare
The living shit out of me
They could care less
As long as someone’ll bleed
So darken your clothes
Or strike a violent pose
Maybe they’ll leave you alone,
but not me

All together now

Teenagers scare
The living shit out of me
They could care less
As long as someone’ll bleed
So darken your clothes
Or strike a violent pose
Maybe they’ll leave you alone,
but not me

this is Teenagers by the My Chemical Romance. I was really affected by this song. Because I am also a teenager, THIS SONG IS FOR ALL OF US, TEENAGERS......

WELCOME TO THE BLACK PARADE

When I was a young boy,

My father took me into the city

To see a marching band.

He said,

"Son when you grow up, will you be the saviour of the broken,

The beaten and the damned?"

He said

"Will you defeat them, your demons, and all the non believers,

the plans that they have made?"

Because one day I leave you, A phantom to lead you in the summer,

To join the black parade."

When I was a young boy,

My father took me into the city

To see a marching band.

He said,

"Son when you grow up, will you be the saviour of the broken,

The beaten and the damned?"

Sometimes I get the feeling she's watching over me.

And other times I feel like I should go.

Through it all,

the rise and fall,

the bodies in the streets.

When you're gone we want you all to know

We'll Carry on,

We'll Carry on

Though your dead and gone believe me

Your memory will carry on

Carry on

We'll carry on

And in my heart I cant contain it

The anthem wont explain it.

And we will send you reeling from decimated dreams

Your misery and hate will kill us all

So paint it black and take it back

Lets shout it loud and clear

Do you fight it to the end We hear the call to

To carry on

We'll carry on

Though your dead and gone believe me Your memory will carry on

We'll carry on

And though you're broken and defeated

You're weary widow marches on And on

we carry through the fears Ooh oh ohhhh

Disappointed faces of your peers Ooh oh ohhhh

Take a look at me cause I could not care at all

Do or die

You'll never make me

Cause the world,

will never take my heart

You can try,

you'll never break me

Want it all, I'm gonna play this part

Wont explain or say i'm sorry

I'm not ashamed,

I'm gonna show my scar

You're the chair, for all the broken Listen here,

because it's only..

I'm just a man,

I'm not a hero

Just a boy,

who's meant to sing this song

Just a man,

I'm not a hero

I -- don't -- care

Carry on

We'll carry on

Though your dead and gone believe me

Your memory will carry on

We'll carry on

And though you're broken and defeated

You're weary widow marches on

We'll carry on

We'll carry on

We'll carry on

We'll carry

We'll carry on

This is one of my favorite songs. this is Welcome to the Black Parade by the My Chemical Romance. they are the best rock group evah!!! Do you like this song too?? Listen to this.

MY MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENTS REVEALED

The things I wrote today are part of my past reminisces of me part of growing up. So please, when you read this, be ready to be protected of the gases of euphoria this blog maybe excreting.

Most embarrassing moment no. 1

I was in kinder 1 at that time. I was walking towards the lavatory to wash my hands when ooohhh… I tripped! It was very embarrassing! Many students looked at my direction and laughed. I was red –faced at that time because of shame! I covered my face with my hands to avoid the looks of my classmates, who at that time are all smiles. But well, the angel of mercy came and sent a cute boy strolling and helped me up. This came stir from my classmates and they began teasing me, “uuuuuyyy…. Beverly”

Most embarrassing moment no. 2

I was taking a kindergarten entrance test at Cebu Normal University at that time. I was having a hard time answering the questions. I bit my pencil between my teeth and incredibly forgot that it was there. Then, the proctor said that there are only 10 more minutes left so I looked for my pencil; I began to have hysterics since I forgot where I put my pencil. Then I started to drool. Then when I wiped my saliva away, I felt something wet and hard between my teeth. (It’s not what you think it is) and then oh! There was my pencil, all wet and mushy. The teachers, the students, who were disturbed by the commotion I had made, couldn’t hide their grins when I discovered that it was there all along.

Most embarrassing moment no.3

I was 9 years old at that time. My father, my cousin and I were walking towards our van. We just came out of Ayala. And then, the moment came, sweeping through me like a raging thunderstorm. I tripped through a very big rope that serves as a ‘fence’ for the cars. Serves me right for trying to go over the rope. I fell face –first. My father and my cousin laughed at me so hard that I began very red- faced because of shame. Luckily there are no other people at the parking area.

Most embarrassing moment no. 4

I was in the province at that time. It was fiesta. While my parents and other relatives were preparing for the food, design, and other whatsoever, my cousin and I explored the area. We were looking for a toilet because we want to urinate. At the other side of the road of our aunt‘s house, we saw our grandfather, with his carabao. We ran to him to kiss his hand. We also asked where we could find a place where we could urinate. He pointed us to the nearby river. He said that’s the only place he knew. So we hit off, and the two of us hid behind the anahaw leaves beside the river. My cousin, who is a prankster, finished first and left me all alone. She said she’d cover me when she finished first, but it tuned out that she left me, and while I was urinating I heard the coming of a bicycle. I thought that my cousin is there to tell him that I was here. But of course, she wasn’t there and the boy riding the bicycle peered over me. When I saw him, I screamed, pulled my shorts up, and ran to my aunt’s house, all embarrassed and ashamed.

These are all my embarrassing moments. It takes all my pride to type this, so please, if your reading this, don’t laugh so hard, maybe all people will know what’s in store for me.

TOM'S DYING WISH

(This is for all the cats….)

My fellow minions, before I die, I would like to share to you my subjects and the hope that you would be able to accomplish them in due time. (But anyway, all your interested at is the billions of dollars you‘ll get from me. But hey! Let’s get to the topic. As you all know, I’ve sent all my nine lives in vain chasing and catching my nemesis, the stupid mouse, Jerry. (But I cant understand of why I cant catch him, and when every time I was able to catch him, he was also able to slip from my hands, and ending up with me putting into trouble.) I’m writing this, because I know I have little time life to live in this world. I’ve been chasing and catching Jerry today, and I found myself falling off at the top of the empire state building, my ninth life busted. (Just like King Kong, -------- though he’s saving a girl and I’m catching a mouse) Well! Well! Well! Let’s get to my “subjects of interests” as we put it before I close my eyes and leave this world for good.

1. The fast eradication of Jerry’s family and relatives
My fellow felines, as we all know, I am rich now, (but it doesn’t matter to me, I ‘ll spend anything just to get my hands on Jerry.) I am rich because I have sent all these years in working with the Looney Toons, and billions of children, not only watch me all over the world, making my show a hit, (is chasing a mouse interesting?) Anyway, I want you to spend a part of my money, since the eradication costs like, 500 million dollars. I want the eradication fast. You can claim my money ion the bank; I don’t know which bank, maybe there are hundreds of them. Don’t worry; I’ve already identified you to the different banks in the country, (also in the banks in Germany, England, and Paris.)
P.S: pls. Do it fast. Jerry’s’ family is quite a number that’s why you should act now! At least, to lessen some suspicions, so you can’t do the panic killing - as we put it. I want eradication! I want it fast!


2. (Absolutely confidential) The stealing of Jerry ‘s property and real estate business benefits.
My minions we, the ever powerful cats, destroy and steal Jerry’s property as soon as possible! When he realizes that the poor stupid mouse has no home to go to, we can easily spot him and…hehehe…how shall we put it more delicately, we‘ll silence him. Many of you would enjoy this, but! We should be careful and we should keep mum about this all business of ours because it might destroy our reputation as cats as the best clean animal. (Oh, really??)

These are all my interests. I hope you can fulfill them in just a short time. We have to accomplish this ----I mean, these, matter as though this is one of a hell, “2 commandments.” We shall finish, us, together, the most infuriating race in the world---- the mice.

This shall be effective this February 31 2008, when the apple fell from the orange tree. let Jerry realize that the cats rule the earth in the past, present, and hopefully, in the future.

CATS RULE!!!!!!!!!

SIGNED,
Tom

THE DIARY OF BRITNEY SPEARS

THE DIARY OF BRITNEY SPEARS

Duuuh… this is the most hectic year I’ve ever had in my whole life. And I think I got into some kind of a “freak -out” but other people describe as “nervous breakdown” or “insanity”. I can tell you straight in your ugly face that I ‘m not insane, or mad, or something. It’s just the effects of too much marijuana. Come on! I was just trying to have a good time, forget our break – up with Kevin, and forget my short – lived friendship with Paris Hilton, gosh… she is the most infuriating bitch I have ever met. She comes here, telling me that oooh…. I’m going to help you forget your break –up with Kevin, and she goes and brings me to gimmicks to many of the most expensive hotel bars and restaurants in the United States. Maybe, I forgot everything at that time and some stupid paparazzis caught a picture of me with no, with no… underpants at all! No panties at all! I almost died of shame.. No just a little, since I am used to it anyway. Anyway, as Paris’ song “stars are blind” I am blind to all that’s happening to me around. I go, to this place, to that place, forgetting about the baby sometime, only remembering it when I am a block away and I ‘m home. Many questioned of me being a parent, but why? I am just one of the richest girls in Hollywood, and I can provide them with all the comfys that they need. They don’t have the right to question me of being a mother! (Or do they have?)

About the rehab. The rehab is marvelous, with the nice luxurious bed, the horse- riding facility, and the swimming pools…its just like home. I learned that Ben Affleck also had his rehab here. See? This place is a star- studded place. But I felt bad. I just realized that my head is bald. Maybe its because of the shampoo or something. Or is it the chemotherapy? I don’t remember anything of the kind. When I ask the doctors about my hair, they look amused and told me that; I cut off my own hair. Can you believe it? I surfed the Internet, and saw an auction online, Buy Britney’s hair, $1, 000, 000. 00. I have to check whose Britney they’re talking about. But the people around me insisted that I cut off my beautiful, long blond, hair. I was in despair. I didn’t know that drugs can take you to unbelievable volumes and I can do things that I hadn’t done before, like, cutting my own hair.

Now, even though I’ m on my rehab, I can see people looking at me, with like, yucky expressions. I am not yucky! But I found myself singing:

“I see you looking at me
Like some kind of a freak
Get out of your seat,
Why don’t you do something?”

And I see people doing something like, booing at me or laughing at me. I can‘t take this anymore! I’m not the “lucky” anymore or a girl (not yet a woman). Oh please!! Maybe I am mad after all. I just learned that my ex Justin Timberlake had already broken up with his girlfriend, Cameron Diaz. I was in supreme ecstasy. My two past marriages didn’t make something out of me, just orgasm… and sadness. I went crazy when I broke up with Justin, and went crazier when Kevin left me; he only interested on my money, and left me to take care of the kids. Aaarggh!! And then I met this happy –go –lucky girl named Paris Hilton who once had a row with Nicole Ritchie. Once, I don’t see why a hotel heiress runs out of friends. But after that unfortunate incident, I learned why. She’s a user! Anywayz, the people told me its time to go down the pedestal because I’m becoming a big disgrace! They don’t love me anymore! Now, they have become fanatics of the Irreplaceable Beyonce, of eeww…. Of Christina Aguilera‘s Ain’t No other Man. Yeah Christina, it ain‘t you who‘s going to question me!

Yeah, dear diary, this year’s very hard for me, and for us. While I’m lying here in the sofa, I keep thinking of the things that’s been happening to us, if I can only get at the time I’m still the princess of pop, maybe things are much better. I’ve been going wild, things intoxicating me, (TOXIC: PLAYING) but we’ll be strong, dear diary, we’ve done these things before.

PLAYING: OOPS, I DID IT AGAIN

RAINY DAYS

RAINY DAYS

There was a time the raindrops fell from the sky, curing and washing all your hurt away. It causes the earth to rejoice of this blessing. Rain means blessings, blessings not only for us people but for other creatures as well. Rain means happiness, as children go out of their homes and wade and play with the cold raindrops. Adults take out their colorful umbrellas and walk together, when we look at them from the sky, they would look like flowers in a bloom. Rain symbolizes the coming of spring in other temperate countries, the time when buds open, leaves becoming green again, saying, “autumn and winter are gone, the red leaves and empty branches a memory….” The butterflies getting themselves ready, for the spring flowers open as soon rain comes, and all environment is moving and alive.

Do you like the rain? Me, I do. But sometimes I feel so grumpy whenever there’s rain because it means that I have to wear those heavy raincoats and parade down the street like a fireman who has lost its way home. But honestly, I love the rain. I like to shower myself, enjoy and forget the all my problems and miseries. Once, when I was in grade 1, I was tempted to bathe and enjoy myself in the rain. And it turned out that I did. I waded, kicked, played and frenzied myself and did not think of the reprimand I will get afterward. When my teacher saw me all soaked and wet, she almost swooned and she punished me, after drying up, of course. But I didn’t care. When my parents knew about this, I didn’t care. What was on my mind at that time was the nice feeling of being under the rain, being blessed with the entire blessings God has showered upon us.

Being in the rain and getting a cold are just some minor effects on being on the rain. Feeling happiness is a big, major effect on being on the rain. You feel God’s presence and you feel comforted of the way He has touched you with those powerful hands. Let me share to you a poem about rain:

RAIN

Rain...Rain...

how sweet and lovely is a water from sky

..Rain..Rain..

it`s a wine of lovers...

Rain.. Rain..

it`s a lovers` pain...

Rain..Rain..

my misses and longing to you as a desret...

Rain..Rain..

aren`t you coming back again to me, ,

as a rain..come back to me as a coming rain..

come to wash my soul with a waters` sky..

with your hands...

hug me to you...my heart become sick from a sadness and pains..

Rain..Rain..

it been so long for waiting..

untill, i become addicted to your waiting and a patience..

Rain..Rain..

aren`t you coming back..

a rain already here..

please don`t let me alone with a rain...

by: hazem02@yahoo.com By hazem02

See? Isn’t it nice to stay under the rain? . Isn’t it nice?
What about you? What do you think? Do you feel like what I feel about rain? Raindrops and rain are the things which reminds us that God is always near and you can always feel his presence around us.