THE DIARY OF BRITNEY SPEARS

THE DIARY OF BRITNEY SPEARS

Duuuh… this is the most hectic year I’ve ever had in my whole life. And I think I got into some kind of a “freak -out” but other people describe as “nervous breakdown” or “insanity”. I can tell you straight in your ugly face that I ‘m not insane, or mad, or something. It’s just the effects of too much marijuana. Come on! I was just trying to have a good time, forget our break – up with Kevin, and forget my short – lived friendship with Paris Hilton, gosh… she is the most infuriating bitch I have ever met. She comes here, telling me that oooh…. I’m going to help you forget your break –up with Kevin, and she goes and brings me to gimmicks to many of the most expensive hotel bars and restaurants in the United States. Maybe, I forgot everything at that time and some stupid paparazzis caught a picture of me with no, with no… underpants at all! No panties at all! I almost died of shame.. No just a little, since I am used to it anyway. Anyway, as Paris’ song “stars are blind” I am blind to all that’s happening to me around. I go, to this place, to that place, forgetting about the baby sometime, only remembering it when I am a block away and I ‘m home. Many questioned of me being a parent, but why? I am just one of the richest girls in Hollywood, and I can provide them with all the comfys that they need. They don’t have the right to question me of being a mother! (Or do they have?)

About the rehab. The rehab is marvelous, with the nice luxurious bed, the horse- riding facility, and the swimming pools…its just like home. I learned that Ben Affleck also had his rehab here. See? This place is a star- studded place. But I felt bad. I just realized that my head is bald. Maybe its because of the shampoo or something. Or is it the chemotherapy? I don’t remember anything of the kind. When I ask the doctors about my hair, they look amused and told me that; I cut off my own hair. Can you believe it? I surfed the Internet, and saw an auction online, Buy Britney’s hair, $1, 000, 000. 00. I have to check whose Britney they’re talking about. But the people around me insisted that I cut off my beautiful, long blond, hair. I was in despair. I didn’t know that drugs can take you to unbelievable volumes and I can do things that I hadn’t done before, like, cutting my own hair.

Now, even though I’ m on my rehab, I can see people looking at me, with like, yucky expressions. I am not yucky! But I found myself singing:

“I see you looking at me
Like some kind of a freak
Get out of your seat,
Why don’t you do something?”

And I see people doing something like, booing at me or laughing at me. I can‘t take this anymore! I’m not the “lucky” anymore or a girl (not yet a woman). Oh please!! Maybe I am mad after all. I just learned that my ex Justin Timberlake had already broken up with his girlfriend, Cameron Diaz. I was in supreme ecstasy. My two past marriages didn’t make something out of me, just orgasm… and sadness. I went crazy when I broke up with Justin, and went crazier when Kevin left me; he only interested on my money, and left me to take care of the kids. Aaarggh!! And then I met this happy –go –lucky girl named Paris Hilton who once had a row with Nicole Ritchie. Once, I don’t see why a hotel heiress runs out of friends. But after that unfortunate incident, I learned why. She’s a user! Anywayz, the people told me its time to go down the pedestal because I’m becoming a big disgrace! They don’t love me anymore! Now, they have become fanatics of the Irreplaceable Beyonce, of eeww…. Of Christina Aguilera‘s Ain’t No other Man. Yeah Christina, it ain‘t you who‘s going to question me!

Yeah, dear diary, this year’s very hard for me, and for us. While I’m lying here in the sofa, I keep thinking of the things that’s been happening to us, if I can only get at the time I’m still the princess of pop, maybe things are much better. I’ve been going wild, things intoxicating me, (TOXIC: PLAYING) but we’ll be strong, dear diary, we’ve done these things before.

PLAYING: OOPS, I DID IT AGAIN