I am Afraid..... of the Dark

I don’t know exactly when it started. When the lights are turned off, I shiver. When I’m alone in the middle of a dark road, I shake. When I’m suddenly trapped in a dark room, I scream…aaahhh! I just don’t know why. I can’t remember any traumatic experience that could have triggered this fear of the dark.

Many people though have phobia of the dark because of a traumatic experience when they were kids. For some, their fear of the dark was triggered when they experienced being trapped in a dark closet. For others, it was due to a very strong imagination – imagining seeing “ghosts” or “monsters” in their rooms or closets. As for me, I can’t recall having any of these experiences when I was younger. It just happened and I can’t seem to find a cure. How I wish this fear of the dark would go away or be cured because it’s really embarrassing. You see, even if I’m only 13 years old, I probably look older because I’m a bit tall. Imagine a big girl screaming her lungs out because she’s afraid of the dark. My love for reading scary novels (Stephen King’s) never helped. If only the cure can be bought from a drugstore, I’d buy one whatever the cost. If only this phobia is like a gangrened leg that can be amputated, I’ll have this amputated right away!

I feel that this phobia of the dark is like a debilitating . . . disease (?) that spreads like wildfire from my heart to my brain and to the different parts of my body. When this happens, my natural reflex would be to let out a blood-curling scream…AAAAHHHH!!!

Do you know that I sleep with the blanket covering my body from head to foot? When my mother thinks that I’m already asleep, she would try to remove the blanket from my head because she fears that I may not be able to breathe. However, I would always manage to cover my head back. I tried to do a lot of things to fight this fear. I have tried keeping the lights on while trying to sleep. Unfortunately, I just couldn’t sleep with the lights on. I have tried opening my eyes in the middle of the night when all is dark and quiet. And I ended up in a panic, shutting my eyes back and trying hard to get back to sleep. My only conclusion (and excuse?) is that maybe I’m really still a child. Like little kids, I have a very strong imagination in the dark. I imagine seeing scary apparitions from probably, just a bathrobe hanging near the door of my room, or from my guitar hanging by the wall. I imagine hearing scary sounds from the bamboo tree near our house or from the cats fighting outside. This is really sssooo embarrassing!

Every now and then I try to get used to and act brave in the dark. Gosh! It’s sooooo hard! I have never been consistent. This time I feel brave, the next time I chicken out right away and turn on the light. So help me God! What do you think – that I’m a scaredy-cat or sumthin’? Hah, I’ll poke your nose if you think that!

Don’t worry, I’m still trying to overcome my fear of the dark. Maybe in time, I can be successful. What is important is that I recognize this weakness and I’m trying to find a way to overcome it. So in the meantime, when in the dark…SMILE (though you may be crying inside), DANCE (though you may be shaking inside)…oh what the heck…GO TO SLEEP!